What was I thinking?
Did I seriously think I could do this? Just up and leave for five whole months?
I guess I thought I would be too excited about going to even miss the people I care so much about... so why is it that I haven't even left yet & I already miss them?
Reassurance is comforting, but it doesn't relieve the sinking feeling I feel in my heart.
Yes, I know I'll be back before I know it, but it's exactly the "before I know it" part I'm worried about!
I know I'm going to have a great time, great experiences, meet exciting people and see wonderful sights, but I'm so scared to leave what I know. I guess in my dreams and fantasies of leaving home to explore the world, I never thought of the actual act of leaving home.
But this is life. Life is change, and those that can't accept it become remnants of the past, left to reminisce of a world that no longer exists.
So although it's scary, and unfamiliar, and everyone is scared of the F word- failure, Life goes on;.Whether you fail or not, whether you accomplished what you wanted to do or you didn't, life goes on, and in a way, it's reassuring.
I guess what I am afraid of most is the people who are important to me forgetting me and moving on. But in a way, while we do all move on eventually, truly part of us never really does. Each person in our life, whether they are a constant companion, or simply an acquaintance on your journey, each person will impact you, they will add to your experience, and if & when they leave, they will leave an indelible mark on your life. To leave is inevitable. To move on is certain, but for the people and experiences that are of any real importance, to forget these is impossible.
"Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go." -kazuo ishiguro